Be Patient With Yourself

When I was younger, the choir used to sing a song that included the phrase, "Please be patient with me, God is not through with me yet." I have thought of that song often when other people don't seem to understand what I am trying to say or to do. But today, I want to remind you that those words apply, not only to others, but to yourself as well. We sometimes forget to be patient with ourselves - particularly through times of change. We might think, "Well, this is a change I decided upon, so I should not be struggling with it." I encourage you to keep in mind that change, even those changes undertaken happily and/or voluntarily, can cause mixed or even negative feelings.

Change is change, and that means doing/having something different in our lives. For most of us, that requires a period of adjustment. We may find that we are experiencing unexpected emotions in conjunction with a new relationship, a promotion, a new job, a new boss, retirement - even retirement from a job we disliked. It is often because of the change associated with the new situation that we have mixed emotions, or feelings of uncertainty, anxiety, etc.

So, in times of change, I encourage you to be patient with yourself. Don't expect that you will feel all roses and sunshine, even when it is seen as a positive change that you wanted. Allow yourself some time to adjust to the new and different circumstances/situation. I would also encourage you to keep that in mind when a loved one or close friend is coping with a change. Allow them some time to adjust.

Something new and different can be fun and exciting, but it can also be scary or unsettling. I believe that the more plans you can make for your change the less anxiety will accompany it, but that may also depend on other circumstances, which I will discuss in the next post.


Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career or job change, coping with a job loss, preparing for a return to work or to school, or planning for retirement or non-retirement. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist them in planning and preparing for changes. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor. For more information on her services, please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com. To contact Mary Ann, please call 513.665.4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

So, for those of you who know lyrics to songs, you may recognize that as a phrase from a holiday song from long ago. In that instance, it is a somewhat romantic song, that I think is very pretty. But my question has a little different purpose - what are you doing New Year's Eve in relation to your plans for you for 2012. Well, maybe you plan to create your traditional New Year's resolutions. Or maybe you just have a party on your agenda. Maybe you plan to watch whatever sporting events are on TV. The fact that New Year's Eve falls on a Saturday this year may change your approach to the day.


But whether you work on this on New Year's Eve or some other day - before or just after the beginning of the new year, I encourage you to think about what you plan to do for you and with your life during the exciting year of 2012. We may not know what to expect in terms of some predictions, but we can make the best of our days that we can. Think about what you would like to accomplish - and this might be at work or in your family or your other personal life. What happens to so many people is that we have ideas and sketches of plans in our heads, but in my opinion, until we get it down on paper, it is not really a plan. (Of course, that reference to paper, could also include a computer file, for those who have forgotten what it is like to write things on actual paper!)


So think about what you would like to accomplish, be it something small, medium sized or really big, and begin to develop some plans to make it happen. I really find that having things written out help me to think about what steps I actually need to take to bring the plans into reality. I think it also helps to identify some time frames for when you will complete each part of the plan and develop a system of checkpoints to increase the chances that things will happen in a timely manner.

Happy New Year!




Mary Ann Davis is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career or job change, coping with a job loss, planning to return to work or to school, preparing for retirement or non-retirement, and other life changes. She has been working with adults in person and via telephone for over 25 years to assist them in finding solutions to their life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). For more information on her services, please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/. To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Winter Solstice

This year the Winter Solstice will occur on Thursday, December 22. This is generally thought of as the shortest day, thus the longest night, of the year. It is considered by some as a time of rebirth or of reversals. As such, it seems appropriate that I should encourage you to think about your life and plans you have made, or intended to make. This opportunity for reversal could be a time when you decide you will no longer tolerate a situation that is not healthy for you. Or perhaps just adjust some circumstances that have gotten out of hand and beyond your reach. It could be a time when you decide to take better care of yourself - perhaps resume that exercise program you had started in the summer or the act of leaving your work at work. Maybe you had promised yourself that you would start watching what you eat and adding more veggies to your diet.


Perhaps you're one who wants to spend more time with family or friends but haven't actually gotten around to doing things differently. Maybe you just want to disconnect from technology so you can reconnect with people who are important in your life. Or maybe it is time to start that college program you have been looking at or finish the book you started reading last spring. It could even involve cleaning out your closets to clear the way for new things or clearing your mind to be open and available to new thoughts.


It could be any number of things that you either have not gotten around to or have started, but not completed, or have gotten off the track of your good intentions. You may even need to make a list then you can determine the order in which you plan to do those things that still matter.


Take this opportunity of reversal/rebirth/realignment to regain some control, or order, or peace, or whatever in our life could be improved upon and make 2012 a better year for you.




Mary Ann Davis, M.A. is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career or job change, preparing for retirement, planning to return to school or to work, coping with a job loss, or other life transitions. She meets with individuals in person and/or via telephone to assist in their life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). To learn more about her services, please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/. To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

The World is Just Not the Same

I know, that is no big announcement. Anyone over the age of 10 probably realizes that the world is just not the same today as it was yesterday. And that applies if your yesterday was actually just 24 hours ago or if you think of it as 30 or 40 years ago. But the basic statement applies to our daily lives, our families and friends, and our ways of thinking about the world.

As we approach the end of yet another year, we may tend to think about what this particular year has brought and what it has meant. For many of us who are over the age of 30, this year flew by faster than any of the previous years - that is partly because time seems to do that as we continue to mature - and I think partly because we have managed to speed up our lives by taking away some of our own personal "down" time.

So many people these days are constantly "plugged in" which leaves no real time to yourself. That time when you can just sit with your thoughts and let them lead you wherever they will. Those quiet times when you can remember what your daydreams used to entail, when you had high hopes for your future. Without those times, we may lose track of our dreams or forget them entirely. Then when we are thinking about what we should be doing with our lives, we are often at a loss. We may have lost that ability to create something different from our own thoughts. We may have become afraid to think about what we would like to change or do differently in our lives.

If this applies to you, I suggest you unplug for a while - try it in small installments - maybe just 15 or 20 minutes at a time and spend some time with your thoughts. If this needs to be sitting in your bathroom or bedroom with the door locked, so be it. Spend some time thinking about how your life has developed and what, if anything, you would like to do differently. After you have done this for a few days, begin writing down the thoughts that come to you during your quiet time. After a while, you can begin to put together a list of those thoughts and determine which ones you are ready to develop into actual plans.

Find some time for you - time is still going to fly by too quickly, but maybe this way, when you carve out some quiet time next December, you will be able to smile about ways in which you have made changes or at least developed plans to do so. Best wishes.

Mary Ann Davis, M.A. is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Ohio providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career or job change, planning to return to work or to school, coping with a job loss, preparing for retirement, and other life changes. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assit them to find solutions to life transition issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services. To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444- x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

What Will You Do Tomorrow?

As of this writing, tomorrow is 11/11/11. That is a significant date in terms of many issues, and I encourage you to think about what creative energy you can utilize to make changes in your life. Know that you have the capability to make changes - but you must believe and act. It is not sufficient to believe and sit back and wait for things to happen differently. If you do the same things the same way, you will likely get the same results. Also if you act differently but do not believe it will make a difference, it probably won't. That's why you need the combination of belief and actions to make changes in your life.

I, like so many others, encourage you to take some time, preferably today, to think about how you would like your life to be different in the future. You can begin to plan for a different future, but you need to know what you want and what should be different. You may wish to consider your personal relationships and your other life situations to determine what is working for you and what is somewhat lacking. If there are people in your life who are always down on life in general, consider how much time you need or want to spend with that person. Negativity tends to bring on more negativity. If there are people you have met who are positive and forward thinking, you may want to consider how you could increase time spent with those people. A positive attitude is very contagious.

Also think about the other aspects of your life. If there are areas in which you are not happy, think about what it would take to turn that around. Is it something within your grasp? Do you have the ability to bring about the change you desire, if you put your mind and your efforts into it? If so, develop your plan for a new way of acting and thinking. Make tomorrow the beginning of a better life for you.

Mary Ann Davis is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career or job change, planning to return to work or school, preparing for non-retirement, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist them through her change guidance system. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). For more information on her services, please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com. To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

What Do You Want? (part 2)

Once you have narrowed down your list of things you would like to add in your life, I encourage you to find ways to create the life you want. I encourage my clients to develop plans to bring about the necessary change. Some of you may be more into planning than others, but I find it works well for most people.

Start by figuring our where you are now in relation to where you want to be in life. Are you just a few steps away from getting what you want, or will it be a long hill to climb? Only you can decide if the distance is within reach. If it is, then write out what you need to do to get you where you want to be. You may need to do some research on the topic, but through the Internet you can discover information about so many topics, that it is not as difficult these days as research used to be. So do some reading, if need be, and figure out what it will require.

Then think about how long you will allow to get where you want to be. Do you need to be there yesterday or will sometime in the next 18 months or 3 or 5 years suffice? What kind of time frame can you work with? Once you have that, you can begin to chart out what you need to do in smaller increments to get you where you want to be. Some people work best with a monthly planner. Each month they assign a task from their "To Do" list to move them closer to their goal. If you are working with a short time frame, you may need a weekly "To Do" list.

It helps many people to include as many details as possible in their plan so it is less likely they will miss a step. I also encourage you to include some check points in your plan - times when you will make a conscious effort to check on your progress. That tends to eliminate looking up in a few months or next year and finding that you started on your plan but somewhere along the line got derailed and it has been on the back burner ever since.

The other suggestion is that the items on your "To Do" lists should be things that are within your ability to do or to make happen. That way you are not dependent on someone else to help you get to where you want to go.

Life is short, I encourage you not to spend it wishing and hoping but planning and doing.

Mary Ann Davis is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career or job change, planning to return to work or to school, preparing for non-retirement, and other life transitions. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist in developing solutions to their life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services. To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

What do You Want?

In the last post, we talked about what your heart desires. This is a very similar line of thinking - what do you want? When was the last time you thought about that? What is it that YOU want? Is there something that you have wanted to do but have been too tired, too busy, too shy, too whatever, to try? Perhaps you feel that you are too young to do that, or too old or would look too silly. What is it that you would really want to do that you have not done?

I encourage you to give that some thought. It may help to sit in a quiet place where you can think and either talk out loud as you sort through those thoughts or where you can write down your thoughts. It helps some people to work with a blank sheet of paper and just start writing down - in your own short notes - what it is you would like to do. Don't censor your thoughts or not put something down because you don't know how to do it or think you would look silly doing it. Just write things down as they come to you. If you are more of a talker than a writer, then get a tape recorder and blank tape or whatever mechanism you could use to record your voice and go to a quiet place where you can be alone. Then begin to speak aloud the things you would like to do. Again, don't omit things because you would feel foolish if others knew it was on your list or because you wouldn't know where to begin to make it happen.

That first step is designed to help you bring thoughts or dreams - that you may have buried - up to the surface where you can recognize them. Once you have created a list of possibilities, then you can go through it and think about whether or not it is really something you would like to do or if it was a dream long ago, but no longer. Keep on your list only those things you would still want. Then go through the remaining items and figure out what you would need to do if you actually wanted to do each one. If you don't know what it would take, or where you could start, find someone to talk to about it. When you have some more information, then you can decide if it is a reasonable idea or something that is just a dream but you don't plan to make it a reality.

If it is something you do want, is now the time you will reward yourself and pursue it? If not now, when? Can you put a partial plan together before you put it on the shelf? That partial plan should include a time frame when you will revisit the idea to determine if that is the time to go for it. Find ways to create the life you want by including the things you would like to do in your life, in the near future.


Mary Ann Davis is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, planning to return to college or to work, preparing for non-retirement, coping with job loss, and other life plans. Mary Ann meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist them to find solutions to life transition issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/ for more information on her services. To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

What Does Your Heart Desire?

Sometimes when I am alone, I think about what is it that my heart desires? What would make me happy? This time of year, it may be watching a football game - uninterrupted. It may be sitting outside and watching the clouds roll by or taking a walk to check out the colors of the leaves or the flowers that are still in bloom. Sometimes it is having companionship and sharing a few laughs (or a few tears) with a friend.

Needless to say, I am not always able to provide what my heart desires, but to the extent I can, I do. I believe life is too short to spend it wishing and hoping and if I can make it happen, I will try.

So, I encourage you to think about what your heart desires. It may be related to a variety of aspects of your life, or there may be one part that is screaming for attention. Allow some quiet time, alone, so you can think about what your heart desires. Once you know that, then figure out how you can make it happen. I wish you joy and success in getting what your heart desires.


Mary Ann Davis is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions: including a career change or job loss, planning to return to work or school, coping with a job loss, or other life transitions. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist in helping them find solutions to their life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). For more information on her services, please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com.

To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Do You Notice Changing Seasons?

Well, it is nearing the end of September and in the Midwest we are already seeing signs of the changing seasons. We are very quickly moving into fall and Summer will soon be just a distant memory. For some, that means the end of playing in the pool, playing on the courts or golf course, digging in the garden, and/or hitting the road for fun. Others see it as the end of a long stretch of being inside - hiding from the sun and it's heat. For many, it signals the end of vacation time or an easier schedule.


Some see autumn as a beginning. The beginning of a new school year. The beginning of football season. The beginning of a stretch of holidays and family festivities. Each of us has our own appreciation, or lack of, for the fall season, but there is nothing we can do to stop it from happening, at least, not as long as we live in the Midwest. So we can decide to accept, embrace or celebrate the coming of autumn. Or we can grumble, fuss, and moan about the change of seasons.


The choice is yours. I guess that is my point today: the choice is yours as to how you react and feel about a change over which you have that little control. I hope you choose to accept the change, but even better would be to embrace it. I encourage you to think of change as an opportunity to experience something different - even though you have been through the change of seasons many times, we have never experienced Autumn, 2011.



Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career or job change, planning for non-retirement, coping with a job loss or empty nest, preparing to return to work or to school, and other life planning issues. She meet with individuals in person and via telephone to assist in finding solutions to life transition issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association (MCC), a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). If you would like more information on her services, please visit her website at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/.


To contact Mary Ann, please call 513-665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

What Did You Want in 2011?

Well, as hard as it may be to believe, we are almost three-quarters through this year. I know I often think of the old adage, "Time flies when you're having fun!" I think it also flies the longer you live. So if you have just looked up and realized another year is fast approaching, perhaps now is a good time to review what you wanted for 2011. If you are a person who wrote out New Years Resolutions, have you looked at them since you wrote them down? If you just made a list in your head, have you thought of what you wanted to do/achieve this year since those first few months moved along?

One of the things I encourage my clients to do when they develop a plan for change is to include some times for a checkup. Kind of like your car needs a 3,000 or 5,000 mile check-up, we could benefit from that as well. For one thing it gives us an opportunity to stop, sit down, and look at what we have accomplished so far. What has happened in these last four or five months? Are things going as planned? Did I even have a plan or is it now just a distant memory? Sometimes life deals us a hand that we did not anticipate and that throws all of our plans out the window. Other times we start on a plan and realize it really won't get us where we want to go or is a longer route than we need to take. So how is your plan?

Have you looked at it since you created it? If not, now is a good time to do so. If you have not been keeping to the plan or somehow gotten off track, there may still be time to get back on track. There is still time to accomplish some things in the last few months we have for this year, but it probably requires you to move into some form of action.

Again, figure out where you are headed and decide if that is still a reasonable and feasible goal. If so, what steps can you take to get back on track? If not, what goal can you put in place to work on? As we move into fall, fight the desire to sit back and just watch the leaves fall. Some activity that moves you in the right direction will feel better as we sit back this winter and reflect upon what we got done in 2011. It would be great to review the year in December and smile about actually accomplishing what you had hoped to during this year.

Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career or job change, planning for return to work or to school, coping with an empty nest, preparing for non-retirement, and other life planning issues. She works with individuals in person and via telephone assisting them to find solutions to life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). For more information on her services, please visit www.YourCareerPlan.com.

To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Returning to School

If you are one of the many adults returning to school, or entering college for the first time, it is important that you get off to a good start. If you have been away from education for some time, it can also be a pretty scary proposition. There are three suggestions I share with my clients who have decided to continue their education: manage the process, manage your time, and manage your life. Of course, all of that is easier said than done.


By managing the process, I refer to learning and strengthening the skills needed for academic success. I have talked with hundreds of adults returning to learning and the majority indicate there is at least one subject area in which they feel rusty. For many it is math, but others identify reading or writing - all of those are fundamental to your academic success. There is no shame in getting help so that you can be a successful student and if you could benefit from a tutor or other assistance, you should not be embarrassed to ask for it. It may take a while to knock off the rust, but it can be done. Other suggestions include sitting near the front of the class and if you are not comfortable asking a question in class, you should find a way to contact the professor to ask it out of class. Obviously, you need to have all the books and other supplies needed for each class and read assignments ahead of time, even if you don't completely understand what you are reading.


Time management can be a big issue for adult learners. Most of us have so many demands on our time that we often put other people and/or other concerns before our own. If you have decided to return to school, you probably need to focus on your needs as well. We generally tell students they should plan for 2 to 3 hours of study for every hour they are in class, every week. So being a full-time student is a full time job and not everyone calculates that kind of time commitment when they first get back to school. Of course, some subjects may require a little (or a lot) more time and you may find that you have a class that doesn't require quite that much, but that is the general rule. Many people benefit from making a weekly schedule to include study time, so that a week doesn't go by without them opening a book.


Also, in order to be a successful student, and adult, you also need to manage your life - the other responsibilities you have in life, as well as taking care of you. It may mean that you cut back on your social activities until you see how well you can juggle all of your responsibilities. It may mean that you need to reduce your time for exercise or other outside activities. But, you will notice I didn't suggest you cut them out completely. If there are activities you do to keep you well and mentally, as well as physically, in shape, I don't think you should eliminate them entirely. Find ways to work some of that in to your schedule. It may mean that you need to delegate some of your household responsibilities to someone else, or maybe you cut back on some of that, as well.


It can be difficult to continue your education as a fully grown adult, but it can be very beneficial.

Mary Ann Davis, M.A. is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career or job change, preparing to return to work or to school, coping with job loss, planning for non-retirement, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping find solutions to life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). For more information on her services, please visit her website at www.YourCareerPlan.com.

To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice offering coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a job or career change, preparing to return to school or to work, coping with job loss, preparing for non-retirement, and other life transitions. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist in creating solutions to life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Career Development Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor. Please visit her website at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/ for more information on her services.





To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Become or Get Active

If you are retired, or even semi-retired, it is important that you maintain a level of activity. If you have not continued to be active (or never were), I encourage you to find ways to get active. It is important that you are active - physically and mentally. There are days when I wake up and don't really feel like getting up and certainly don't feel like moving, but those are the days when it is extra important for me to do so. There are days when it could be so easy to lay around much of the day, doing very little. But those are the days when I must encourage myself to move - even if not at full speed. Often when I take a walk anyway, I find that once I get going, I feel better than I thought I did. So, since it is important to keep moving, do what you need to do to keep at it. The body seems to be a lot like the brain and math - if you don't use it, you lose it.

And that brings up the other part of the keep moving - your brain. Not only with math, do you lose the ability to handle it, once you stop, other tasks become more difficult if you don't regularly exercise your brain. Find ways to keep your brain active that are things you at least somewhat enjoy doing. Working jigsaw puzzles or word puzzles are a good exercise for your brain. Playing cards and other kinds of games can keep your mind stimulated. Putting something together and other kinds of creative activities are also good for the brain. Reading and writing are also good ways to use your brain. Learning something new is a very good way to keep the brain fully functioning. It does not even have to be through a class, although that is a good activity. Many colleges offer classes at a reduced rate for senior citizens or have non-credit bearing courses that may be of interest to you. It may not be too late to sign up for a course for this fall.

Don't let your muscles get too relaxed and unstimulated. To maintain or achieve better health, keep or get active!


Mary Ann Davis is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career or job change, planning for non-retirement, coping with job loss, preparing to return to work or school, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in-person and at a distance to help them develop solutions to life transition issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services.

To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Coping With Your Transitions (part 4)

Transitions affect different people in different ways. Some folks willingly throw themselves into a transition, while others seem to have transitions thrust upon them. Letting go of a particular situation can be difficult, and that typically at least causes us to feel some sense of loss, which may, or may not, be accompanied by a sense of relief or excitement about what is to come.


Long ago, in other civilizations, there were some public ceremonies to designate specific transitions. We don't have very many of those 'rites of passage' these days. Each of us must figure out how best to cope with our transitions. Some of that may be learned from how we have adjusted to endings and beginnings in our past. It may help to spend some time trying to remember how you have responded to transitions previously. You can start just by thinking about how you approach saying goodbye after visiting family or friends. Do you make it a long, emotional scene, or do you go out with barely saying goodbye?


You may also want to think about more recent changes in your life. What kinds of events brought about those changes? If you have not dealt with previous transitions well, you can probably change your routine by uncovering your typical response to change. Then it is possible to learn a different coping style that may be more favorable for you.


Transitions in life are a part of life and those that happen in one phase or aspect of our lives often impact the other aspects of our lives, as well as the lives of others around us. These changes can have a cumulative negative effect on us, not only physically, but also socially and mentally. And that applies not only to those changes that effect us directly, but also those that effect us indirectly because of changes others are going through.


Coping with your transitions in life is a survival skill and the better you get at it, the better your life will be. For transitions will continue as long as you continue to live. With some effort, we can be better prepared for how we will respond to future transitions.




Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a job or career change, planning for retirement, coping with an empty nest, preparing to return to school or to work, coping with the loss of job, or other life planning concerns. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist them in finding solutions to their life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). For more information on her services, please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/.

To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Coping With Your Transitions (part 3)

We have talked briefly about new beginnings and endings, but the third part of a transition is the neutral zone, although they do not generally occur in that order. This should occur between the ending and the new beginning to allow time, not only to adjust to what is to come, but to gain a sense of renewal and, hopefully, increased awareness.


For many people, the neutral zone is the most uncomfortable part of a transition - it is a time when you may have a desire to get away and to stop your day-to-day routines. It may feel like a time of grayness - things are not yet seen as black or white. Although the neutral zone may be entered before you have really ended something, it may come with the new situation, or it may stretch out before you like an endless desert as you know not what you seek, but are looking for something different.


During our time in the neutral zone, we should give ourselves the opportunity to see things differently and to get reoriented toward our new direction. It can also help us to get "past" our past. We are very likely to view our lives differently from this different perspective; as though we have stepped out of ourselves to see how we were before we try to recreate ourselves.


So the neutral zone is a good time to write your life's story - filling in the realities of what has happened, but writing the future as you want it to be. It may be best to spend some of your time in the neutral zone alone, when you are truly by yourself and can be alone with your thoughts. This requires you to be removed from your usual distractions, but in a place where you are safe.


You may also want to spend some time thinking (and perhaps writing) about what would be unlived if your life ended today. To think about what things you had really wanted to do that you haven't. What had you wanted to accomplish? Then you can decide if those things are still worth doing in this next stage of your life, as you design your new beginning.



Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, preparing for retirement, coping with an empty nest or loss of job, planning to return to school or to work. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist them in finding solutions to their life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). For more information on her services, please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/.

To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Coping With Your Transitions (part 2)

Many of our transitions in life seem to be initiated by an ending of some sort. Certainly a divorce usually send us into a transition, as well as your first or last child going to school or to college. Transitions may result from moving to another city or changing jobs. We also must cope with the endings of phases of our life because of maturation or aging. So for some folks, they begin a significant transition when they graduate from high school and/or college. Of course there's that mid life transition - now somewhere between 30s and late 40s. These events or stages typically represent the ending of one phase and entering a new phase in life.

We may expect difficulties coping with divorce and some other events that are viewed as negative. But we are sometimes thrown by what seems like a positive thing that causes negative feelings, such as a promotion. The new job title, money and other perks sound great, but you maybe had not planned on missing the old job and former co-workers as much as you do. When you are the person who wants the divorce and you have thought about it long and hard before proceeding, you may be surprised at how many sad feelings accompany that event.

Endings can seem like they will be easier to adjust to than they sometimes are and often we do not take endings seriously enough, especially when we are looking forward to the new beginning we have launched. But many of our endings start because something has gone wrong. Other times we may be reluctant to admit we are struggling with a transition that is the result of something "good" happening to us. That may seem to imply we have made a "bad" choice or do not appreciate our "good fortune".

But whether the ending was something you consciously chose or not, it is most helpful to recognize what is ending and appreciate that or work through those accompanying difficulties before proceeding. It is difficult to have a clean "new beginning" if you are still holding on to the previous situation that is now ending.

Many people experience a period of time sort of in a neutral zone before they really can begin something new. We'll talk about that neutral zone in the next post, but for the endings in your life, it is important to pay attention to your internal messaging system and your feelings. It may be that you need to be sure to pay particular attention to your self before and during the transition. You may benefit from writing in a transition journal. If you are feeling uncomfortable, recognize that as a likely sign of change and take some time to allow for adjustment - especially internally. If you have not already done so, look for what you have learned from the situation that is ending and how that may help you in your next situation. Of course, if you find it difficult to cope with the ending, please find someone to talk to.

Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist them in finding solutions to their life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor. Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services.

To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Coping With Your Transitions (part 1)

By our very nature, as human beings, we go through a number of transitions in life. Some we barely notice, others may stop us in our tracks, and many fall somewhere in between. Some transitions are a part of human development and some are choices we, or someone else, have made. Whether you think of a person's life as having a morning, afternoon, and evening or a Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter, there are some developmental stages we all go through. Some of those stages you may now have no remembrance of, others may still be very clear in your mind.


There is not time to go into all of the transitions that are a result of our growing up, but for this post, I will just focus on transitions that seem to be initiated by the individual - by creating a new beginning. These might be new relationships, improvements in your self or your personal/home life, changes in your work or your financial situation. You may have had a notion that you wanted something different for a while and finally decide to act upon it. It may have felt like the idea for something different just came to you, as in a dream. Whatever the initial signs that you recognized, you chose to head off in a different direction, in some aspect of your life.

Some people develop fairly extensive plans for how they will get from where they are to where they now want to be. Others sort of "wing it" and follow some unknown directives to their new circumstances. Even in these instances, the transitions that we launch by choice and that we see as positive, new directions in our lives, can cause us to second guess ourselves. There is sometimes a temptation to stay where we were and as we were, where it seems safe because it is a known situation, compared to venturing into a new arena. That second-guessing might come about because there is a legitimate reason to be cautious. But often it is our safe-keeping self trying to dissuade us from doing something different. It can be difficult to sort out your feelings and your thoughts to distinguish between those reasons. But that is what you must do. Is it just a matter of your inner self trying to hold on to what is known and, therefore, comfortable, or is it a form of an inner early warning system?

For me, it usually helps to consider the circumstances of the new proposed change to help me sort through those conflicting messages. Having some time alone and relatively free from distractions for this contemplation is imperative. It also helps me, because of my nature, to write things out. I can clear a lot of confusion through my writing. Sometimes, I need to talk it out with a confidante - that is not necessarily to get their input on what they would do, or what they think I should do. But, rather it is to get their feedback on whether or not what I plan to do makes sense for me - from their perspective. A combination of those strategies may be most helpful for you. What I would encourage you to consider though, is that if there is a change you plan to make (or a change you have just made), that you believe will mean an improvement in some aspect of your life, don't let those second thoughts immediately make you change your mind. Before aborting your plans, try to figure out the source of your uncertainties. We will talk more about transitions in my next post.

Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a job or carer change, coping with an empty nest, planning to return to work or to school, retirement planning, coping with loss of job, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and on-line to assist them to find solutions to life transition issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Is It Time to Make Lemonade?

I'm sure you have heard the phrase, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" So I wonder, if you feel like it is time to make lemonade? I have personally experienced more than a few disappointments in life and remember that I was not initially thinking it was time for me to make some lemonade. As a person who likes to plan, and does best when I have the opportunity to do so, I am most thrown by those transitions that I don't have time or the opportunity to plan for.

Although you probably have heard that suggestion to make lemonade before, following that advice is not always easy. For me, it is typically less of an issue when the transition is something I have planned. But, in my unplanned transitions, there was something inside me still asking why. There was that whole issue about how I thought things would be - that weren't and, apparently wouldn't ever be! There was also the issue of recognizing and accepting the fact that that particular phase of my life was over. I read books and articles on transitions - a few for a second time. I recognized that before one can really move on, one must bring closure to what was. Usually, it also requires an uncomfortable middle period between the ending of one phase and the beginning of a new one. Although I knew those things, sort of from an intellectual standpoint, "knowing" them from an emotional aspect was more difficult to accomplish.

So, for me, I have to remind myself that getting through a transition will take time. I generally write more in my journal. Sometimes I would just ramble on writing whatever thoughts ran through my mind, sometimes I would write a letter - perhaps to the person I had lost. I have spent some time alone to think about how I would cope and shape my life, once I get through the transition. I have pulled out some of my old music to listen to - because some of the lyrics said words I could not put together to say. I would especially try to take care of myself during those temporary transitional periods.

So, if you are coping with (or just trying to endure) a difficult transition, I encourage you to spend some time taking care of you. Remind yourself of your good traits and good deeds. Do some other things to make you feel good about you or, for a while, do nothing. Allow yourself some time to mourn your loss, but not so much that you wallow in your sorrows. What is important is that you unburden yourself of the strain from your loss before you begin in a new direction. If needed, find someone to talk to - if not family or friends, perhaps a professional. Often a transition drains us physically, mentally, and socially.

In due time, you must find ways to refuel, recharge, and reconnect. Listen to and watch for signs of what is to come. Then use some time to think about what you would like in your life so you can develop plans to achieve it. I'm sure that in time you, too, will be ready for some nice cool, lemonade.


Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including preparing for a career change or job search, planning for retirement, coping with an empty nest, and planning to return to work or school. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist in creating solutions to transition issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/ for more information on her services.

To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Have You Declared Your Independence?

We have just celebrated Independence Day and I wonder if you have declared your independence. There are many ways in which to be independent and different ways of declaring your independence.


I attended a college graduation ceremony recently and was very surprised at how many people approached the meeting site while talking on the phone. Because I am not a kid anymore, I clearly remember the days when we did not dream of talking on the phone once we left the house. It was just not an option. But these days, people seem to think they need to talk on the phone all the time. It is not just at the ceremony, but I look at people all around - as they walk down the street, or through a store, even as they are in their cars - look at how many people are talking on the phone. Unfortunately, many of them are also driving as they are talking. In my mind, it is unbelievable that a law would have to be passed to make texting while driving illegal. Doesn't common sense tell you that the responsibility of driving a car is significant enough without multitasking? Or perhaps, that's just my thinking. I think people need to declare their independence from their telephone. Just because you have a cell phone doesn't mean you have to be on it all the time.

Additionally, some people are reluctant to make other changes in their life because of how they have always done things. They may say, "Well, I would feel funny trying that!" Or, "No, I don't know how to do that and I don't need to learn." Or perhaps you have heard, or said, "That is how we have always done it!" The way it was always done may be all well and good and, if it is still working, then fine. But to hold onto something just because it is a tradition, does not make sense to me. It is actually OK to make some changes, especially those you know are for the better or will mean an improvement in your life.


If there is a not-so-good habit you are holding on to, perhaps now is the time to declare your independence from that. Breaking long-standing habits is not easy, and sometimes we need outside help to do so, but I believe that if you set your mind to it, you can even break those habits that were started long ago. Consider what you want/need to declare your independence from and this July, start working towards a new you.



Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, coping with an empty nest or loss of job, preparing to return to school or work, or planning for retirement or non-retirement. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone assisting them to find solutions to life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/ for more information on her services.


To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Is It Time to Check Your Progress?

If you set goals to achieve during 2011, if you have not done so lately, it may be time to check on your progress. Hopefully when you wrote your goals and objectives, you included some time lines. We are now just about half way through another year and, although I don't know about you, but for me, time is flying by. I still find it hard to believe that it will soon be July. I know that people say, the older you get, the faster time flies, and I guess they are right.





So, if you set goals for things you want to achieve this year and didn't set up time frames for your objectives, it is still not too late. Look at what you want to accomplish and figure out what it will take to do so. Hopefully, most of the steps are things you can/should do yourself. If not, consider whether or not you will have buy-in from others who may be involved in helping you reach your goals. If you have not already done so, write out the objectives you will need to do in order to meet the goals you set. Try to include, not only what you need to do, but how you may need to start, and a time for how long it should take or how soon you plan to complete the tasks.





If you included check points when you wrote out your goals and objectives, then this is just a reminder that if you have not checked your progress lately, you may need to do so now. After doing that, then you can determine if you can move your goal completion date up or if you need to allow a little more time to achieve it. Sometimes people realize that what they thought they wanted, is no longer appropriate. In that case, start over with the appropriate current goal. There is not shame in re-deciding, only in hanging on to a goal that you no longer want or need to achieve.





As some say, if you don't know where you are going, you won't know when you get there. Since time marches on anyway, you might as well plan for what you want and that should help to increase the likelihood that it will happen.





Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, coping with an empty nest or loss of job, planning for retirement or non-retirement, or preparing to return to work or school. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist them in developing solutions to their life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). For more information on her services, please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/.





To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send and email to YOurCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.

Consider These Questions

If you are trying to make a change in your life, but unable to keep working at it, or even get started, I suggest you ask yourself two questions. The first is why do you want to make the change. The second question is how much do you want to make it. In many cases, the answers to these questions may seem obvious, but not always. Additionally, if you are dragging your feet on a change you say you want to make, there generally is some reason you are not at least trying to implement it.


So, for a moment, put your pride aside and really consider the change you say you want to make. The first question to ask yourself (why you want to make the change) actually should get at your motivation. Is it really something that you want or is it someone else's voice saying you "should" do it? It is hard to undertake a change in many cases, but if you are not motivated to do so, it becomes nearly impossible to achieve. If it is your own voice saying you want it, but there are disclaimers that go with it, or it is near the end of a long list of things you want, you may prefer to set it aside until it is more important to you.


In some cases, it is something you want, but not for the right reasons - it may be something you think you should want because other people want it or indicate you should want it. In those instances, you are probably not really motivated to make it happen either. Please understand, that is probably okay, but you may need to be able to convince yourself that it really is okay not to want something, even though, or just because, others do.


The second question (how badly do you want it) involves the level of commitment you currently have to making the change. Even if you are motivated to do something, if there is very little commitment, it is not likely that you will stay with it to bring it into reality. That's why we sometimes get stalled once we have gotten a project or plan underway. We run out of steam because we don't have sufficient commitment to keep us going.


So think about what are you willing to do, or willing to give up, to make the change you want? If there is not much commitment, there probably won't be much follow through. Sometimes we are better at follow through on our commitments to others than to ourselves. It may help to remember that you are as important as others and deserve the same treatment you afford to others.


Of course, sometimes it is also a matter of the change being something we want, but others don't. In those cases, others may, knowingly or not, put additional obstacles in your way that you were not able to plan for, but that derail the plans you had made. Although we frequently can anticipate potential obstacles from friends and/or loved ones, that is not always the case. Sometimes those closest to us have something to lose, or believe they do, if we make a change. Often those concerns come to light by having an open and honest discussion regarding your plans.

If the obstacles come from outside your close circle, then you need to review your situation to determine if the change you had planned can be rerouted to get around, under, over, or through the obstacle. Or is it something you need to discuss with those responsible for the obstacle(s) to see if you can get them removed. They may have knowledge with which you are not aware, but that impact your plans. They may have insights that could benefit you in re-evaluating your plans. In some instances, you may need to use or develop a Plan B.


Change is not often easy, but if it is something you want/need to do for your own well-being, it is worth considering why you have not been able to implement the change you seek.




Mary Ann Davis (M.A.) is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, planning for retirement or non-retirement, coping with a loss of job or empty nest, planning to return to work or school, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping to find solutions to problems related to life transitions. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor. Please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/ for more information on her services.


To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.