Sometimes in an effort to create a balance between our work lives and our home lives, we add more to the 'home' side of the equation. Often what that means is that we are now overworked in both arenas. That is generally not the goal of finding balance. If you find yourself in this situation, you probably also recognize that the level of stress in your life is also increasing.
Suggesting for helping to balance your work and home lives can be found from a number of resources, but let me make a few suggestions here. One thing to look at is the actual number of hours you spend in 'work related' activity. I have talked to people who calculate they have been spending over 50 hours a week at work. Unless you are actually counting lunch time and daily breaks in that calculation, you are probably at work longer than you thought. That doesn't include any time that you spend at home doing work-related activities, including checking emails, thinking about what's on your agenda for the next day, or what you didn't get done today, etc. That also doesn't include travel or settling in time at work.
You also want to look at what you stress over that is beyond your control. If you have no say in the matter or influence on the outcome, it is probably not productive to spend time thinking/worrying about it. That applies to work and home situations. I do recognize that may be easier said than done, but is well worth the effort to try.
Also, if you are constantly in 'fast forward' mode, it would be good to find ways to shift back. Not only should you include breaks in your activity, you should also plan in some non-productive times - when you don't plan to do anything and you don't do anything, except maybe listen to some soothing music, meditate, etc.
At home, also look at your schedule. If it is filled with running here or there, playing chauffeur for your kids many activities, or always working on some home project, consider what is really important and what really needs to be done by you. It may be that some of that flurry of activity is just "busy ness" and no longer important or meaningful. We will look further at the issue of balance in the next post.
Mary Ann Davis is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including career change and/or job search, planning for retirement, loss of job, coping with an empty nest, preparing to return to work or school, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping to find solutions to problems related to life transitions. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
You Can Re-decide
Sometimes we stop, or are stopped, and look back over our lives and consider decisions we have made, directions we have gone. If you are fortunate, you are pleased with your decisions and their outcomes and satisfied with the direction your life has gone. If you are like many others, there are points where you made a decision that turned out not to be a wise one and it sent you off onto a dimly lit, unfamiliar path. If that applies to you, what I would encourage you to do is to re-decide; admit you made a poor choice and start again.
Often, we allow our thoughts and internal messages to control our actions. We dredge up thoughts like, "My father always said I wouldn't amount to anything." or "What were you thinking, you knew you're too old to do ____?!" Or maybe, "But people would think I've lost my mind if I ______." or "Mama warned me not to _______ but I wouldn't listen..." It is so easy to say to yourself, "I should have done ____, but now it is too late." It may be hard to do, but try to shut out those messages and focus on what is in your heart. Try asking yourself, "Is it really too late?"
Of course, in some cases, yes it may be too late, just don't assume that it is without considering the possibilities. But if it is something you still want, try to get clear on the real situation before you decide that. Listen to what your heart is saying and figure out how to make that happen. It may involve giving yourself permission to admit you were wrong. It may require you to take a few steps back and restructure your plan - or scrap it entirely and start over with a fresh approach to reach your goal. But it is important to remember that as long as you are still breathing, you have the capacity to decide differently and change your mind and your plans. You just need to give yourself permission to re-decide. Then if people question you, or just look at you like you may have lost your mind, you can simply look them in the eye and say, "Yeah, I really am going to try it this way!" But you will know that you are simply listening to your heart and that can be a very good thing, indeed!
Mary Ann Davis is a Licensed Professional counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including career change or job search, planning for retirement, loss of job, coping with an empty nest, preparing to return to work or school, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping them to find solutions to problems related to life transitions. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
Often, we allow our thoughts and internal messages to control our actions. We dredge up thoughts like, "My father always said I wouldn't amount to anything." or "What were you thinking, you knew you're too old to do ____?!" Or maybe, "But people would think I've lost my mind if I ______." or "Mama warned me not to _______ but I wouldn't listen..." It is so easy to say to yourself, "I should have done ____, but now it is too late." It may be hard to do, but try to shut out those messages and focus on what is in your heart. Try asking yourself, "Is it really too late?"
Of course, in some cases, yes it may be too late, just don't assume that it is without considering the possibilities. But if it is something you still want, try to get clear on the real situation before you decide that. Listen to what your heart is saying and figure out how to make that happen. It may involve giving yourself permission to admit you were wrong. It may require you to take a few steps back and restructure your plan - or scrap it entirely and start over with a fresh approach to reach your goal. But it is important to remember that as long as you are still breathing, you have the capacity to decide differently and change your mind and your plans. You just need to give yourself permission to re-decide. Then if people question you, or just look at you like you may have lost your mind, you can simply look them in the eye and say, "Yeah, I really am going to try it this way!" But you will know that you are simply listening to your heart and that can be a very good thing, indeed!
Mary Ann Davis is a Licensed Professional counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including career change or job search, planning for retirement, loss of job, coping with an empty nest, preparing to return to work or school, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping them to find solutions to problems related to life transitions. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Be Kind to Yourself
When you are preparing for or coping with transitions in life, I caution you to be kind to yourself. So many times in the midst of turmoil or frustration we are harder on ourselves than anyone else would be. I caution you to be kind to yourself. I think this means you should only move forward as fast (or as slowly) as any part of you is able to move. Just because your mind is ready to take a leap, it doesn't mean your heart is ready for that kind of change. You must listen to your mind and your heart and your spirit as you plan changes for your life.
I think you should monitor your self talk - don't beat yourself up because things move more slowly than you had planned or because you get stuck part way through a transition. Also, try not to nag yourself if you are moving more slowly than you had hoped. The other thing I share with my clients is that sometimes what we think of as self-talk are actually tapes of others who criticized us earlier in life. If you find that you are being very critical of yourself, pay attention to whose voice you are hearing. It may be a remnant from your past that you are now able to put aside to listen to your true inner voice. Changes are difficult, whether they are voluntary or involuntary, so it is important to try to handle it as best you can, and know that you are doing what you need to do to take care of you.
If part of you is still feeling reluctant to make the change you had decided to make, consider why the hesitation. Is there something you have overlooked? Are the parameters of the decision somehow different than you thought they would be? Are other factors at play that were not known before? As things become clearer, or begin to fall into place, you will likely feel more comfortable and perhaps be able to move at a faster pace, but until you are OK with it, take care of and be kind to yourself. Realize that your hesitancy may well be founded in some truth you are not yet aware of.
Mary Ann Davis is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including career change or job search, planning for retirement, loss of job, coping with an empty nest, preparing to return to work or school, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping to solve problems related to life transitions. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
I think you should monitor your self talk - don't beat yourself up because things move more slowly than you had planned or because you get stuck part way through a transition. Also, try not to nag yourself if you are moving more slowly than you had hoped. The other thing I share with my clients is that sometimes what we think of as self-talk are actually tapes of others who criticized us earlier in life. If you find that you are being very critical of yourself, pay attention to whose voice you are hearing. It may be a remnant from your past that you are now able to put aside to listen to your true inner voice. Changes are difficult, whether they are voluntary or involuntary, so it is important to try to handle it as best you can, and know that you are doing what you need to do to take care of you.
If part of you is still feeling reluctant to make the change you had decided to make, consider why the hesitation. Is there something you have overlooked? Are the parameters of the decision somehow different than you thought they would be? Are other factors at play that were not known before? As things become clearer, or begin to fall into place, you will likely feel more comfortable and perhaps be able to move at a faster pace, but until you are OK with it, take care of and be kind to yourself. Realize that your hesitancy may well be founded in some truth you are not yet aware of.
Mary Ann Davis is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including career change or job search, planning for retirement, loss of job, coping with an empty nest, preparing to return to work or school, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping to solve problems related to life transitions. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
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