We have just celebrated Independence Day and I wonder if you have declared your independence. There are many ways in which to be independent and different ways of declaring your independence.
I attended a college graduation ceremony recently and was very surprised at how many people approached the meeting site while talking on the phone. Because I am not a kid anymore, I clearly remember the days when we did not dream of talking on the phone once we left the house. It was just not an option. But these days, people seem to think they need to talk on the phone all the time. It is not just at the ceremony, but I look at people all around - as they walk down the street, or through a store, even as they are in their cars - look at how many people are talking on the phone. Unfortunately, many of them are also driving as they are talking. In my mind, it is unbelievable that a law would have to be passed to make texting while driving illegal. Doesn't common sense tell you that the responsibility of driving a car is significant enough without multitasking? Or perhaps, that's just my thinking. I think people need to declare their independence from their telephone. Just because you have a cell phone doesn't mean you have to be on it all the time.
Additionally, some people are reluctant to make other changes in their life because of how they have always done things. They may say, "Well, I would feel funny trying that!" Or, "No, I don't know how to do that and I don't need to learn." Or perhaps you have heard, or said, "That is how we have always done it!" The way it was always done may be all well and good and, if it is still working, then fine. But to hold onto something just because it is a tradition, does not make sense to me. It is actually OK to make some changes, especially those you know are for the better or will mean an improvement in your life.
If there is a not-so-good habit you are holding on to, perhaps now is the time to declare your independence from that. Breaking long-standing habits is not easy, and sometimes we need outside help to do so, but I believe that if you set your mind to it, you can even break those habits that were started long ago. Consider what you want/need to declare your independence from and this July, start working towards a new you.
Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, coping with an empty nest or loss of job, preparing to return to school or work, or planning for retirement or non-retirement. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone assisting them to find solutions to life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/ for more information on her services.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Is It Time to Check Your Progress?
If you set goals to achieve during 2011, if you have not done so lately, it may be time to check on your progress. Hopefully when you wrote your goals and objectives, you included some time lines. We are now just about half way through another year and, although I don't know about you, but for me, time is flying by. I still find it hard to believe that it will soon be July. I know that people say, the older you get, the faster time flies, and I guess they are right.
So, if you set goals for things you want to achieve this year and didn't set up time frames for your objectives, it is still not too late. Look at what you want to accomplish and figure out what it will take to do so. Hopefully, most of the steps are things you can/should do yourself. If not, consider whether or not you will have buy-in from others who may be involved in helping you reach your goals. If you have not already done so, write out the objectives you will need to do in order to meet the goals you set. Try to include, not only what you need to do, but how you may need to start, and a time for how long it should take or how soon you plan to complete the tasks.
If you included check points when you wrote out your goals and objectives, then this is just a reminder that if you have not checked your progress lately, you may need to do so now. After doing that, then you can determine if you can move your goal completion date up or if you need to allow a little more time to achieve it. Sometimes people realize that what they thought they wanted, is no longer appropriate. In that case, start over with the appropriate current goal. There is not shame in re-deciding, only in hanging on to a goal that you no longer want or need to achieve.
As some say, if you don't know where you are going, you won't know when you get there. Since time marches on anyway, you might as well plan for what you want and that should help to increase the likelihood that it will happen.
Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, coping with an empty nest or loss of job, planning for retirement or non-retirement, or preparing to return to work or school. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist them in developing solutions to their life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). For more information on her services, please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send and email to YOurCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
So, if you set goals for things you want to achieve this year and didn't set up time frames for your objectives, it is still not too late. Look at what you want to accomplish and figure out what it will take to do so. Hopefully, most of the steps are things you can/should do yourself. If not, consider whether or not you will have buy-in from others who may be involved in helping you reach your goals. If you have not already done so, write out the objectives you will need to do in order to meet the goals you set. Try to include, not only what you need to do, but how you may need to start, and a time for how long it should take or how soon you plan to complete the tasks.
If you included check points when you wrote out your goals and objectives, then this is just a reminder that if you have not checked your progress lately, you may need to do so now. After doing that, then you can determine if you can move your goal completion date up or if you need to allow a little more time to achieve it. Sometimes people realize that what they thought they wanted, is no longer appropriate. In that case, start over with the appropriate current goal. There is not shame in re-deciding, only in hanging on to a goal that you no longer want or need to achieve.
As some say, if you don't know where you are going, you won't know when you get there. Since time marches on anyway, you might as well plan for what you want and that should help to increase the likelihood that it will happen.
Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, coping with an empty nest or loss of job, planning for retirement or non-retirement, or preparing to return to work or school. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist them in developing solutions to their life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). For more information on her services, please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send and email to YOurCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Consider These Questions
If you are trying to make a change in your life, but unable to keep working at it, or even get started, I suggest you ask yourself two questions. The first is why do you want to make the change. The second question is how much do you want to make it. In many cases, the answers to these questions may seem obvious, but not always. Additionally, if you are dragging your feet on a change you say you want to make, there generally is some reason you are not at least trying to implement it.
So, for a moment, put your pride aside and really consider the change you say you want to make. The first question to ask yourself (why you want to make the change) actually should get at your motivation. Is it really something that you want or is it someone else's voice saying you "should" do it? It is hard to undertake a change in many cases, but if you are not motivated to do so, it becomes nearly impossible to achieve. If it is your own voice saying you want it, but there are disclaimers that go with it, or it is near the end of a long list of things you want, you may prefer to set it aside until it is more important to you.
In some cases, it is something you want, but not for the right reasons - it may be something you think you should want because other people want it or indicate you should want it. In those instances, you are probably not really motivated to make it happen either. Please understand, that is probably okay, but you may need to be able to convince yourself that it really is okay not to want something, even though, or just because, others do.
The second question (how badly do you want it) involves the level of commitment you currently have to making the change. Even if you are motivated to do something, if there is very little commitment, it is not likely that you will stay with it to bring it into reality. That's why we sometimes get stalled once we have gotten a project or plan underway. We run out of steam because we don't have sufficient commitment to keep us going.
So think about what are you willing to do, or willing to give up, to make the change you want? If there is not much commitment, there probably won't be much follow through. Sometimes we are better at follow through on our commitments to others than to ourselves. It may help to remember that you are as important as others and deserve the same treatment you afford to others.
Of course, sometimes it is also a matter of the change being something we want, but others don't. In those cases, others may, knowingly or not, put additional obstacles in your way that you were not able to plan for, but that derail the plans you had made. Although we frequently can anticipate potential obstacles from friends and/or loved ones, that is not always the case. Sometimes those closest to us have something to lose, or believe they do, if we make a change. Often those concerns come to light by having an open and honest discussion regarding your plans.
If the obstacles come from outside your close circle, then you need to review your situation to determine if the change you had planned can be rerouted to get around, under, over, or through the obstacle. Or is it something you need to discuss with those responsible for the obstacle(s) to see if you can get them removed. They may have knowledge with which you are not aware, but that impact your plans. They may have insights that could benefit you in re-evaluating your plans. In some instances, you may need to use or develop a Plan B.
Change is not often easy, but if it is something you want/need to do for your own well-being, it is worth considering why you have not been able to implement the change you seek.
Mary Ann Davis (M.A.) is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, planning for retirement or non-retirement, coping with a loss of job or empty nest, planning to return to work or school, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping to find solutions to problems related to life transitions. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor. Please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/ for more information on her services.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
So, for a moment, put your pride aside and really consider the change you say you want to make. The first question to ask yourself (why you want to make the change) actually should get at your motivation. Is it really something that you want or is it someone else's voice saying you "should" do it? It is hard to undertake a change in many cases, but if you are not motivated to do so, it becomes nearly impossible to achieve. If it is your own voice saying you want it, but there are disclaimers that go with it, or it is near the end of a long list of things you want, you may prefer to set it aside until it is more important to you.
In some cases, it is something you want, but not for the right reasons - it may be something you think you should want because other people want it or indicate you should want it. In those instances, you are probably not really motivated to make it happen either. Please understand, that is probably okay, but you may need to be able to convince yourself that it really is okay not to want something, even though, or just because, others do.
The second question (how badly do you want it) involves the level of commitment you currently have to making the change. Even if you are motivated to do something, if there is very little commitment, it is not likely that you will stay with it to bring it into reality. That's why we sometimes get stalled once we have gotten a project or plan underway. We run out of steam because we don't have sufficient commitment to keep us going.
So think about what are you willing to do, or willing to give up, to make the change you want? If there is not much commitment, there probably won't be much follow through. Sometimes we are better at follow through on our commitments to others than to ourselves. It may help to remember that you are as important as others and deserve the same treatment you afford to others.
Of course, sometimes it is also a matter of the change being something we want, but others don't. In those cases, others may, knowingly or not, put additional obstacles in your way that you were not able to plan for, but that derail the plans you had made. Although we frequently can anticipate potential obstacles from friends and/or loved ones, that is not always the case. Sometimes those closest to us have something to lose, or believe they do, if we make a change. Often those concerns come to light by having an open and honest discussion regarding your plans.
If the obstacles come from outside your close circle, then you need to review your situation to determine if the change you had planned can be rerouted to get around, under, over, or through the obstacle. Or is it something you need to discuss with those responsible for the obstacle(s) to see if you can get them removed. They may have knowledge with which you are not aware, but that impact your plans. They may have insights that could benefit you in re-evaluating your plans. In some instances, you may need to use or develop a Plan B.
Change is not often easy, but if it is something you want/need to do for your own well-being, it is worth considering why you have not been able to implement the change you seek.
Mary Ann Davis (M.A.) is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, planning for retirement or non-retirement, coping with a loss of job or empty nest, planning to return to work or school, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping to find solutions to problems related to life transitions. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor. Please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/ for more information on her services.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Be Enthusiastic
Not long ago, I heard someone say, "Enthusiasm is contagious, be a carrier!" I must admit I had not thought of it in quite those terms, but I certainly agree that enthusiasm is contagious and that is an instance where it is good to be a carrier. You have probably noticed situations where a group of people were talking and everyone was sort of low key or not engaged and when someone who was enthusiastic joined the group, everyone sort of perked up. That is an instance where the person who joined the group was a carrier - spreading enthusiasm and good feelings to others.
Mary Ann Davis, M. A. is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, planning for retirement or non-retirement, returning to work or to school, and other life transitions. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping to find solutions to issues related to life planning. She is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association; a Life/work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association; and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). For more information on her services, please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to mailto:YourCcareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
You have probably heard someone referred to as having an infectious smile or laugh, and generally others enjoy being around that person. It is because they are a carrier of positive vibes. I encourage you to be a positive influence on others, spreading cheer and good feelings.
Sharing a smile costs you nothing and can certainly brighten someone else's day. You never know when your smile can make all the difference in someone else's day - whether it is a person you know or not.
Also, it is harder to feel down and out yourself if you are smiling. Sometimes on those days when you are feeling out of sorts and would rather not smile, instead of giving in to those feelings, pretend that you are happy and feeling fine. It frequently can do wonders for your mental health, as well as your physical well being. I don't remember who said it, but someone said, "Fake it til you make it." That applies to changes you are trying to make as well as your day-to-day existence. Even when you aren't feeling up, fake it, and pretend that you do.
Undoubtedly, you have also noticed the opposite effect, and it doesn't even have to have been a group of people. If you are talking with a person who is sort of down, or maybe just not their usual self, it sort of makes you feel down, as well. Negativity and mediocrity are also contagious and I caution you not to be a carrier of those feelings. This applies to everyday interactions with others, as well as meetings and discussions that have some importance, such as networking discussions or employment interviews.
Perhaps each day you can decide that it is going to be a good day - sometimes even a great day - and put a smile on your face that you can share with others all day long. Be a carrier of enthusiasm!
Mary Ann Davis (M.A.) is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, planning for retirement or non-retirement, coping with an empty nest, loss of job, planning to return to school or work, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping them to find solutions to issues related to their transition. She is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association; a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association; and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor. Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
Mary Ann Davis, M. A. is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, planning for retirement or non-retirement, returning to work or to school, and other life transitions. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping to find solutions to issues related to life planning. She is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association; a Life/work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association; and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). For more information on her services, please visit her web site at http://www.yourcareerplan.com/.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to mailto:YourCcareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Are You Creating Balance In Your Life? (part 2)
In the last post we started this discussion on ways to create balance in your life. Another suggestion is to set goals for what you plan to accomplish each day - or at least for the week. But as you are creating those goals, make sure they are reasonable and doable. Plan to accomplish the most important things first, then if there is still time, you can work on the next tier of tasks that are not as important to you. You may also need to recognize what tasks must be completed with great care and attention so that you can create the appropriate circumstances in which to accomplish them with the least amount of interference or interruptions.
The suggestions included in the series of posts on Your Life Wheel can also be beneficial in this situation. Additionally, writing can be a very effective way to relieve stress. Writing in a journal, for example, can help you to get things off your chest in a way that is not threatening to others. It can help you plan for your dreams or just to slow down for a bit. Writing a letter to someone who has upset or disappointed you can also be helpful. The idea here is that you write out what you would like to say to that person but don't share it. Sleep on it for a day or two, then re-read it. That gives you some time to decide if the message was something that you needed to say or something they really need to hear. If you feel they still need to hear it, you have the opportunity to review it and make changes to send the message you truly want to share.
The suggestions included in the series of posts on Your Life Wheel can also be beneficial in this situation. Additionally, writing can be a very effective way to relieve stress. Writing in a journal, for example, can help you to get things off your chest in a way that is not threatening to others. It can help you plan for your dreams or just to slow down for a bit. Writing a letter to someone who has upset or disappointed you can also be helpful. The idea here is that you write out what you would like to say to that person but don't share it. Sleep on it for a day or two, then re-read it. That gives you some time to decide if the message was something that you needed to say or something they really need to hear. If you feel they still need to hear it, you have the opportunity to review it and make changes to send the message you truly want to share.
On the home front, if it seems you are 'doing everything', you should still be able to set priorities. If you live alone, decide what really needs to be done and how often. You may have to decide what you can 'stand' in order to give yourself a little more peace and quiet. In other words, if you are not able or willing to do it all yourself, do you just want to let it slide, hire someone to do some of those tasks, or find time to do what really needs to be done. If there are others in the home who could handle some of those responsibilities, have an open discussion with them and determine who will take on what.
Of course, as a counselor, I must also suggest that if you find you are not able to cope with things or to make some changes to make your life more manageable, I encourage you to seek outside help. Counselors and other helping professionals are available to talk and to help you find ways to adjust things to cope with your situation. You may want to see if your employer offers any type of assistance program for its employees or refer to one of the national or state organisations, such as the American Counseling Association or the Ohio Counseling Association for suggestions on possible helping professionals.
Mary Ann Davis (MA) is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a career change or job search, planning for retirement, loss of job, coping with an empty nest, preparing to return to work or school, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone helping to find solutions to problems related to life transitions. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.
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