Coping With Your Transitions (part 1)

By our very nature, as human beings, we go through a number of transitions in life. Some we barely notice, others may stop us in our tracks, and many fall somewhere in between. Some transitions are a part of human development and some are choices we, or someone else, have made. Whether you think of a person's life as having a morning, afternoon, and evening or a Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter, there are some developmental stages we all go through. Some of those stages you may now have no remembrance of, others may still be very clear in your mind.


There is not time to go into all of the transitions that are a result of our growing up, but for this post, I will just focus on transitions that seem to be initiated by the individual - by creating a new beginning. These might be new relationships, improvements in your self or your personal/home life, changes in your work or your financial situation. You may have had a notion that you wanted something different for a while and finally decide to act upon it. It may have felt like the idea for something different just came to you, as in a dream. Whatever the initial signs that you recognized, you chose to head off in a different direction, in some aspect of your life.

Some people develop fairly extensive plans for how they will get from where they are to where they now want to be. Others sort of "wing it" and follow some unknown directives to their new circumstances. Even in these instances, the transitions that we launch by choice and that we see as positive, new directions in our lives, can cause us to second guess ourselves. There is sometimes a temptation to stay where we were and as we were, where it seems safe because it is a known situation, compared to venturing into a new arena. That second-guessing might come about because there is a legitimate reason to be cautious. But often it is our safe-keeping self trying to dissuade us from doing something different. It can be difficult to sort out your feelings and your thoughts to distinguish between those reasons. But that is what you must do. Is it just a matter of your inner self trying to hold on to what is known and, therefore, comfortable, or is it a form of an inner early warning system?

For me, it usually helps to consider the circumstances of the new proposed change to help me sort through those conflicting messages. Having some time alone and relatively free from distractions for this contemplation is imperative. It also helps me, because of my nature, to write things out. I can clear a lot of confusion through my writing. Sometimes, I need to talk it out with a confidante - that is not necessarily to get their input on what they would do, or what they think I should do. But, rather it is to get their feedback on whether or not what I plan to do makes sense for me - from their perspective. A combination of those strategies may be most helpful for you. What I would encourage you to consider though, is that if there is a change you plan to make (or a change you have just made), that you believe will mean an improvement in some aspect of your life, don't let those second thoughts immediately make you change your mind. Before aborting your plans, try to figure out the source of your uncertainties. We will talk more about transitions in my next post.

Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions; including a job or carer change, coping with an empty nest, planning to return to work or to school, retirement planning, coping with loss of job, and other life planning issues. She meets with individuals in person and on-line to assist them to find solutions to life transition issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor (DCC). Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services.
To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.