Coping With Your Transitions (part 2)

Many of our transitions in life seem to be initiated by an ending of some sort. Certainly a divorce usually send us into a transition, as well as your first or last child going to school or to college. Transitions may result from moving to another city or changing jobs. We also must cope with the endings of phases of our life because of maturation or aging. So for some folks, they begin a significant transition when they graduate from high school and/or college. Of course there's that mid life transition - now somewhere between 30s and late 40s. These events or stages typically represent the ending of one phase and entering a new phase in life.

We may expect difficulties coping with divorce and some other events that are viewed as negative. But we are sometimes thrown by what seems like a positive thing that causes negative feelings, such as a promotion. The new job title, money and other perks sound great, but you maybe had not planned on missing the old job and former co-workers as much as you do. When you are the person who wants the divorce and you have thought about it long and hard before proceeding, you may be surprised at how many sad feelings accompany that event.

Endings can seem like they will be easier to adjust to than they sometimes are and often we do not take endings seriously enough, especially when we are looking forward to the new beginning we have launched. But many of our endings start because something has gone wrong. Other times we may be reluctant to admit we are struggling with a transition that is the result of something "good" happening to us. That may seem to imply we have made a "bad" choice or do not appreciate our "good fortune".

But whether the ending was something you consciously chose or not, it is most helpful to recognize what is ending and appreciate that or work through those accompanying difficulties before proceeding. It is difficult to have a clean "new beginning" if you are still holding on to the previous situation that is now ending.

Many people experience a period of time sort of in a neutral zone before they really can begin something new. We'll talk about that neutral zone in the next post, but for the endings in your life, it is important to pay attention to your internal messaging system and your feelings. It may be that you need to be sure to pay particular attention to your self before and during the transition. You may benefit from writing in a transition journal. If you are feeling uncomfortable, recognize that as a likely sign of change and take some time to allow for adjustment - especially internally. If you have not already done so, look for what you have learned from the situation that is ending and how that may help you in your next situation. Of course, if you find it difficult to cope with the ending, please find someone to talk to.

Mary Ann Davis, M.A., is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice providing coaching and counseling for life's transitions. She meets with individuals in person and via telephone to assist them in finding solutions to their life planning issues. Mary Ann is certified as a Master Career Counselor (MCC) by the National Career Development Association, a Life/Work Counselor by the National Employment Counseling Association, and is a Distance Credentialed Counselor. Please visit her web site at www.YourCareerPlan.com for more information on her services.

To contact Mary Ann, please call (513) 665-4444 x3 and leave a personal and confidential voice message or send an email to YourCareerPlan@cinci.rr.com.